They Think it's all Over
They think it's all over
Curriculum Cop assures us that it is not.
Gove has gone, taken away by the men in white coats, his mind finally unbalanced by the struggle to wreck state education. The warning signs had been there for some time. The claims that Theresa May was a jihadist and that his own children were secretly intent on joining ISIS in Syria should have been taken more seriously. He's gone the same way as his hero, Tony Blair: mad as a hatter. The new boss, Nicky 'Knuckles' Morgan, has ordered all references to Gove to be removed. He is to become a non-person. Typically when the DumLib gofer, David Laws, was sent to remove the Gove graffiti from the Department toilets, he made a complete mess of it. I mean what was he thinking of, removing Gove but leaving 'is a Wanker!'
The teacher scum have, of course, been celebrating. They think it's all over. They are in for a shock. 'Knuckles' is a privately educated corporate lawyer with no knowledge or understanding of state education whatsoever. And she's a devout Christian bigot, completely opposed to women's rights. The ideal Secretary of State's work will go on until the state sector is safely in private hands.
9 am I can mourn later though.Now it's back to work, interviewing the new History Tsar, Dan Snow. Remarkable young man, same public school as Smirking George Osborne, Oxford rowing blue, married to the daughter of one of the richest men in Britain, the Duke of Westminster, and the great grandson of a First World War general and of the wartime Prime Minister Lloyd George, and the son of an influential TV presenter, yet he's managed to overcome all these obstacles and become the country's premier TV historian straight from University. If only others of today's undergraduates showed even a fraction of his drive and initiative! Most of them prefer a cushy life working in Poundland instead. He has some reservations about the 'Tsar' title. 'I'm sure something bad happened to some tsar chappy. Must have missed the lecture. Out rowing. I know it was all yonks ago but still one doesn't like to tempt fate.' I put his mind at rest. We don't talk about the Russian misadventure any more. History will be safe in his hands. Had to postpone interview with the Geography Tsar. She got lost on her way to the department.
11.25 am Raid the Tony Benn Free School on the basis of information received. We have been told about illegal social studies lessons on the Shop-A-Teacher hotline. This is serious stuff. Big Mother accomplished three things in her time in power. She crushed the trade unions even if it took the destruction of British manufacturing to do it. She transformed the Labour Party into Tory Party Mark 2 with her own favourite son, Tony Blair, the product of a night of passion with Rupert Murdoch, in charge. And she removed social studies, the Red subject, from the curriculum, thereby precipitating the downfall of the Soviet Union. We go in hard. Ted Hardcastle, the head, is a typical long-haired weirdo. We catch him with the incriminating worksheets circa 1972 in his hand. These people don't know the meaning of the word FREE. They think it's got a DOM on the end. He is arrested, starts singing 'We Shall Overcome', falls down the stairs on the way out and fractures his skull getting into the van. And we haven't started yet. He'll get the third degree, the one you don't get at University, back at the Department interrogation centre. All the kids are sent home, the school is bulldozed and the ground sown with salt and the parents are warned to choose their next school more carefully or else-
3.30 pm Visit the Vince Cable Sixth Form College, motto 'It wasn't me. The Tories made me do it'. The College is being sponsored by a consortium of international financiers who are grateful for the way Cable gave the Royal Mail away. Apparently they could not believe the price he asked and have even approached the Vatican to see if he can be canonised: St Vincent, patron saint of hedge-fund managers. Observe a lesson where David Laws, straight from toilet duty, is showing them how to submit expenses claims. It's part of a new creative writing module. After that they're starting work on another new module exploring fantasy literature called the DumLib manifesto.
The school has serious recruitment problems. Parents just don't want anything to do with the place. It's all a question of trust. It's apparently all the fault of the head of careers, a glib, smooth-talking conman called Clegg or something like that although it's probably not his real name anyway. He told the students they wouldn't have to pay University tuition fees, and it looks like this is going to sink the place. No great loss. Just have a quick slash in the Danny Alexander urinals and then I'm finished for the day. Will spend the evening mourning whatever-his-name-was.